
I'm selective about the things I will work at and work for. I have limited time, and have to establish priorities.
I guess that means I'm selectively lazy.
I'm also selectively vain.
I long ago decided that I'd risk "blepharoplasty" surgery if I developed old-people hanging bags under my eyes. I could not stand seeing them in the mirror and I check for them periodically.
My neck has suddenly developed some loose skin. It's usually hidden by my beard, but I hate my mirror during the first few days after a beard trim. I'm not sure if I'll go for plastic surgery or a long ZZ Top beard or a big supply of turtleneck shirts, or keep my chin tilted down.
On the other hand, I'm too lazy to get involved with a hairpiece, so the whole world knows I've lost most of my top-of-head hair.
I'm too lazy to get involved with contact lenses, so the whole world knows I need glasses.
Except for a few brief interludes, I gave up on shoes with laces many decades ago.
I got along fine with loafers, boots, sandals, sneakers with Velcro straps, and even rubber beach booties.
Two years ago I discovered Crocs. They were comfortable, durable, grotesquely fashionable, inexpensive, suitable for work, weddings, beach, backyard and bedroom.
Two weeks ago my podiatrist proclaimed I had a heel spur and Achilles tendonitis. He prescribed cold packs, twice-weekly physical therapy and new shoes. Real shoes, not Crocs. And with laces. Something with support.
I told him I don't wear real shoes. When I was in college, I often went to class barefoot, like my ape ancestors. Merely enclosing my foot is a major compromise, and maybe going against nature. Except in the winter.
I have a few real shoes for funerals, but I'll be barefoot or Croc-ed at mine.
The doc offered a compromise, New Balance sneakers, with almost as much support as shoes.
I went to a local shoe store. The NBs cost over a hundred bucks. I remember when regular sneakers cost $5.98 and expensive ones went for three bucks more.
But the NBs were comfortable, and they were even available with Velcro instead of laces. I thought I could live with that.
When I was trying them on, there was a little kid a few seats away from me, getting new lace-up dress shoes for Easter. His old and tattered Vecro sneakers were on the floor nearby. He was about four years old. He saw my new Velcro-equipped NBs. He laughed. He pointed to me and said, "look Mommy, that old man is wearing baby shoes like I used to wear." His mother told him to be quiet and that it's not nice to point.
When I got to the office, Cynical Cousin Dave laughed and pointed, too.
He said, "Nice old-man shoes, Gramps. When are you moving to Florida?"
Dave is about 36 years younger than I am. He has a huge sneaker collection, including weird pink ones. He sometimes serves as an artistic advisor for my websites and book covers, and keeps me aware of Gen-X fashion trends. I think his hats are stupid, but he has a good graphic sense and I like his T-shirts and we usually agree on wristwatches. I knew he wouldn't sanction Velcro, but I thought he'd agree that the NB bottoms were cool. He said the bottoms were not cool enough to counteract the Velcro.
I know he's right. There is a fundamental visual flaw in Velcro-ized footwear. The vertical gap in a shoe just doesn't easily coexist with the two horizontal straps. Laces really do look better. Snapjacks, which I wore in sixth grade, were a visually coherent solution and a good compromise among vanity, utility and lazyness. Alas, they disappeared around 1960.
In 2009 I'm getting abuse for being a baby and for being ancient. All because of Velcro.
I'm just not sure if laziness will continue to beat vanity. My podiatrist will be pleased if I vote for vanity.
2 comments:
FUNNY shit, Michael.
I vote for lazy.
Michael,
Check out the New Balance outlet store in person in Allston Mass or online. You can save a fortune on many of (last year's) New Balance models.
I wear these same shoes, but always get them in black because it makes the straps less noticeable. I typically wear them as a step up from bedroom slippers, opting for other New Balance shoes (some of which look like dress shoes) for business wear.
I love New Balance especially for trade shows where I'm walking for miles in a convention center. The support and comfort is unbeatable. I also have large, wide feet (14 or 15 EEEE) Only New Balance identifies which of its shoes have an "extra wide toebox" which guarantees a good fit even via mail order.
Arthur
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