New Monster-size pizza from the Hut(but it's not really bigger than their Bigfoot)

Having grown up in New Haven, and having recently returned to the area after a 37-year absence, I am a pizza snob.

New Haven pizza, as pioneered by Pepe's and Sally's on Wooster Street, spelled "apizza" and pronounced "ah-beetz," is the real thing.

I regard most pizza, particularly mass-produced chain pizza from Domino's, as little more than cardboard with ketchup.

"California" pizza, laden with pineapple, barbecued ferns, tofu, frog vomit, sun-dried twigs and organic pebbles should be illegal.

I am offended by "white pizza" because the essence of pizza is the sauce. If it's not red, like a Ferrari, it's not pizza.

I never order "extra cheese." A traditional New Haven apizza (sometimes called a "tomato pie") has grated cheese, but no mozzarella ("mootz") on it. You can get mootz, but it's an extra-cost topping.

Nevertheless, despite its lack of authenticity, I have enjoyed the pizza-like food that comes out of the non-brick ovens at Pizza Hut. It tastes fine IF I don't think of it as pizza. As Cynical Cousin Dave explains, "It's not pizza, it's Pizza Hut."

Back in 1993, PH offered a giant rectangual pie aptly called the BIGFOOT. It measured two square feet, and cost $10.99 with up to three toppings. CLICK to see a commerical. It was great for parties, but despite many enthusiastic customers, the product disappeared. It may have been a PITA to produce.

Now PH is trying again, with their PANORMOUS pizza. They say it's
biggest pan pizza they've ever made. I don't think it's really bigger than Bigfoot, but it's over 40% bigger than PH's large pan pizza. Price is $12.99 with one topping per "side."

Like Bigfoot, it may not be available for long. Some PH employees are already grumbling about having to assemble yet another size cardboard box.

FREEBIE MUSIC BONUS: if you order Panormous online, you can get 75 free MP3s for yourself from eMusic, plus 75 free MP3s for five friends. (I'm not sure if they each get 75, or if you divide up the 75 among them.)

BULLSHIT REPORT: Actually, Panormous doesn't have two sides. And actually, it's not one enormous pizza like Bigfoot was. Panormous is two separate 8-slice pizzas sold in one box.